Its 4:00AM. I should be sleeping but oddly enough I find myself sitting here again. It seems that recently I've been very reflective when I have nothing better to do than sleep. I haven't been getting much of that lately. My friends ask me what I do if I'm not studying or partying all the time in college. I honestly dont' know. I probably spend a lot of time thinking, or talking to people I shouldn't be talking to.
No, I think too much. My mind debates and argues with itself. I'm fickle. I can't make my mind up. At one point in my life, I had better things to do than sit around and reflect on my life. I had hobies. I was passionate and dedicated towards them. I remember when I used to drive around looking for locations for photoshoots. Days reserved for just me, my car and my camera. It got lonely fast. Driving around alone takes your mind off of things, but past a certain point.. it was just too much. I remember when I used to graphic design. I had goals, aspirations, a website which I stopped updating quite a while ago. Most recently, I detailed cars. I bought the equipment, made a couple bucks, and spent a lot of time working and thinking. Paying attention to the details on both the cars and my life. Then I put it off. I stopped doing what I love doing. I tell myself its because I'm too busy. I don't have the time to detail my car every weekend, look for photoshoot locations or even do photoshoots, or make graphics like I used to. I'm too busy with everything. With friends, the club, and school . But oops, I guess thats not true, is it.
School . I look forward at Thanksgiving break as somehwat of a mini-new beginning for me. The real new beginning, of course, is going to be next quarter. My enrollment window opened today at 2:00PM. I didn't end up registering for any classes until 11:00. It turns out the classes I have to take (CEE81B, CEE80, MATH 3D, CHEM51A) have conflicting time slots. I can't take Organic Chemistry because it falls into the same time slot as Dynamics (CEE80). Organic Chem. Its a class I should've gotten over with this quarter. Had I tried, I probably would've passed it.
Had I tried. Now I'm behind a class and I'm looking at ways/opportunities for me to claw myself back to where everyone else is. Organic Chemistry next quarter (winter) would have been a really good start. I woudld've taken it with Vivi. She could help me (and I could maybe help her 
) like we did in math 2D. I did well in 2D. Its lovely how everything I look forward to (taking OChem with Vivi) falls through. I just end up disappointed as usual.
So now I'm taking Math 3D (waitlisted), Econ 20A, CEE81B, and CEE80. I'm thinking about taking Econ 20B as well to fill up my schedule, but nothing is set into stone until next quarter, so I don't really have anything to worry about yet.
I want to become productive again. I think I will. I have hope. After all, hope is all we live for.