PHIDONG.COM . 5.0

I got mad when I canceled my ancestry.com account. They were annoying as hell. I decided to help Sam out with his freephotoipods account. eFax was instant credit so I did that. Canceling was amazingly easy! It was all done online. Theres some informalness about canceling your account via a chat dialogue that I liked a lot.

Please wait for a site operator to respond.You are currently number 1 of 1 in the queue. Thank you for your patience.
You are now chatting with 'Scott E.'
Scott E.: Hello, Phi. Welcome to j2 Global's online support. I am Scott Ellis, your online live Support Representative. May I have the PIN associated with your account?
Phi Dong : yo whats up scott
Phi Dong : 9758 is the four digit code you seek!
Scott E.: Thank you. How may I assist you?
Phi Dong : i would like to cancel my account!
Scott E.: I'm sorry to hear that you wish to cancel your fax account. Please give me a moment while I quickly check your account in our records. In the meanwhile, may I ask why you are canceling your fax account?
Phi Dong : yes you may ask!
Phi Dong : i have granted you the permission to ask!
Scott E.: Yes, please let me know why you wish to cancel your account.
Phi Dong : please hold as i prepare my response!
Scott E.: Okay.
Phi Dong : I have realized over the past hour that nobody I know owns or operates a fax machine and/or business. It seems silly of me to hold an account in which people can fax me and I can get instant access to those faxes when no one will fax me. I also realize that I can send faxes just as easy, but I have nobody to fax to! Oh dear me!
Phi Dong : This LiveChat is kind of neat though!
Scott E.: We do understand that you currently do not use the service because you do not need it anymore. Since you are one of our valued customers, in the current situation as a special consideration, we will provide you with an exclusive offer and we will, reduce the monthly fee from $12.95 per to $4.95. This will help you to send and receive faxes using your local fax number.
Phi Dong : Wait.. Scott!
Phi Dong : Did you read what I said??
Scott E.: Yes, I have read it.
Phi Dong : I don't feel like we can have a relationship if you're not going to read what I'm typing.
Phi Dong : Personally, I'm a little hurt.
Phi Dong : Like I said, there is nobody for me to fax, and nobody wants to fax me!
Scott E.: We value our customers and assure you that I would do all that I can to ensure that all your concerns are addressed. I sincerely apologize for any inconvenience caused to you.
Phi Dong : Don't you think its awfully silly of me to hold an account open that I don't use?
Scott E.: I have checked your account in our records and have found that you have signed up for the eFax service on 11/30/2004, wherein the first 30 days there is no monthly fee charged($12.95), plus the one time activation fee of $12.95 has also been waived off. You can always get back to us at the end of your trial period, if you still then do not find much use for this account. I suggest that you do give our service a shot. It could prove to be useful to you.
Phi Dong : Scott!
Phi Dong : Are you there?
Phi Dong : Did you read what I said?
Scott E.: Yes, I am still here.
Phi Dong : You're hurting me...
Scott E.: Yes, I have read that you do not use this service.
Phi Dong : Then why are you trying to sell it to me.
Scott E.: You already have a gift credit balance of $5.00 which means you can send up to 50 fax pages free of cost. As a goodwill gesture to continue our association I will offer you an additional gift balance of $10.00 which will enable to send up to 100 additional fax pages free of cost. This means you can send up to 150 fax pages free of cost.
Phi Dong : I don't even think I will send one. As I said, I have nobody to fax!
Phi Dong : I do believe that is a kind gesture, however, and I thank you for it.
Phi Dong :
Scott E.: Phi, you can at least use this service till the end of the 30 day free trial period. After completion of the trial period, if you feel that the fax number does not serve your purpose, you can get back to us immediately without any further obligation to stay back. We are available 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. Please feel free to contact us at any time.
Phi Dong : Wait ! Wait!
Phi Dong : Scott!
Phi Dong : I'm not going to use this service and I don't have the greatest memory.
Phi Dong : I'm afraid I may forget to cancel and pay for a service, which you understand, I don't use!
Phi Dong : So for the convenience of us both, I hereby declare my cancelation of this account!!
Scott E.: We respect your decision to cancel your account now. As you wish, I will cancel your account now.
Phi Dong : Exceelent work my boy!
Scott E.: I have just cancelled your fax account. You can copy and save this chat for your confirmation.
Phi Dong : Holla at cho boi "
Phi Dong : How do I save this chat??
Phi Dong : =X
Phi Dong : I see no save button
Phi Dong : Scott, will I also get a confirmation e-mail, notifying me of the cancelation of my eFax account?
Phi Dong : That would be really cool.
Scott E.: Please follow these steps:
Scott E.: 1) Left click on the chat window.
Scott E.: 2) Press 'Ctrl A' to select the complete chat.
Scott E.: 3) Press 'Ctrl+C' to copy
Scott E.: 4) Press 'Ctrl+V' to paste text in MS Word.
Phi Dong : Ok !
Phi Dong : Wow you typed that out really fast *-*
Phi Dong : How did you do that =X
Phi Dong : How fast do you type, Scott?
Phi Dong : =X
Phi Dong : hey scott
Phi Dong : i gotta go
Phi Dong : i'll ttyl
Phi Dong : biyeee!
Scott E.: Thank you for waiting, I have just sent a confirmation e-mail at your e-mail address: phi@phidong.com.
Phi Dong : Oh snap!
Phi Dong : Good lookin out my brother!
Scott E.: We are sorry you are leaving eFax, but if your faxing needs do change in the future, we would be more than happy to have you back. Thank you for being with us and using our service.
Phi Dong : Fo sho
Scott E.: Thank you for contacting j2 Global online support. Bye and have a great day!
Phi Dong : i'll make sho to keep ya in mah mind
Phi Dong : peace out my brova
Chat session has been terminated by the site operator.

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Damn this feeling within you.
You can sense it begin to
conjure up all that you've been through
You say, "Let it go"...
You wish it were that simple.

Memories from times long gone,
things you've wanted all along.
Somewhere everything went all wrong,
and now you find yourself all alone.

Not alone..
you have
these experiences
you hold on to.

They're scars,
telling stories
of everything
you've gone through.

Foreshadowing
what you're
gonna do.

What are you gonna do?

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I love how all of us put on a mask and hide behind it. It gives us confidence. You alter how you want people to perceive you by changing how you appear to others. Its true, isn't it? Well, its time to switch masks

I decided to give the site a mini-facelift. I edited the way the posts are displayed. The titles (I'll try to make them more significant) are bigger, and I removed the stupid "posted by phi" stuff since you should know whos posting.. Its been bothering me for quite a while now. It looks better to me and things seem more fluid and connected. Its just "right". Now if I can find the motivation to post again. Heh..

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I spoil myself. I just bought a Sandisk 1GB Ultra 2 Compact Flash card. Now I'm thinking about upgrading my Zenitar 16mm f/2.8 fisheye (manual focus) to a Sigma 15mm f/2.8 fisheye AF. It makes little sense to those who know nothing about camera equipment, but its a more expensive and better lens.

Not that my Russian bargain lens didn't serve me well. It let me know that I love the fisheye effect.

So .. I have up for sale..

A sweet present from Russia with love. The Zenitar 16mm f/2.8 Fisheye (manual focus) in EOS mount!

This comes with the built in hood, lens case, four filters (one is on the lens), filter case, both front and rear lens caps. The focusing and aperture rings are smooth and the optics are clean.

There is a little bit of internal dust, but nothing that affects image quality.

The only blemish is the lens cap. One of the springs popped out on the release, so I had to glue one of the ends (arrow points to it). The lens cap still works and clicks into place. You can even pick it up from the lens cap and the lens won't come off, so its not that big of a deal.

buy it!

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Happy Turkey Day. I decided to detail the car for the special occasion. I even waxed the door jambs. I'm still having a hard time believing that detailing a car with someone else makes it more fun. I thought it was pretty peaceful working on my car alone. Having someone around might irritate me too much.

I took those two pictures after a nice wash and top coat of s100 carnoobie wax. I took the pictures using my Alien Bee as a light source, which gave me some really nice highlights (studio style ) I only used one light, but it was enough to attract the attention of my across the street neighbor, apparently, who told me he was about to call the cops.

I still need some practice, but it was fun detailing the car again. I haven't detailed in such a long time, so it was relaxing and peaceful to get my mind off of everything and just have a little me time.

After detailing my baby, I went to go eat with Dan. It was pretty cool. We just talked about life, school, girls, everything. I really wanted to go to the Arc, but apparently they closed at 8 today, so I'll be going next Monday.

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I was pretty tired when I wrote the last entry. When I woke up today, I felt a lot better. I was probably just out of it. Whoops.

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Its 4:00AM. I should be sleeping but oddly enough I find myself sitting here again. It seems that recently I've been very reflective when I have nothing better to do than sleep. I haven't been getting much of that lately. My friends ask me what I do if I'm not studying or partying all the time in college. I honestly dont' know. I probably spend a lot of time thinking, or talking to people I shouldn't be talking to.

No, I think too much. My mind debates and argues with itself. I'm fickle. I can't make my mind up. At one point in my life, I had better things to do than sit around and reflect on my life. I had hobies. I was passionate and dedicated towards them. I remember when I used to drive around looking for locations for photoshoots. Days reserved for just me, my car and my camera. It got lonely fast. Driving around alone takes your mind off of things, but past a certain point.. it was just too much. I remember when I used to graphic design. I had goals, aspirations, a website which I stopped updating quite a while ago. Most recently, I detailed cars. I bought the equipment, made a couple bucks, and spent a lot of time working and thinking. Paying attention to the details on both the cars and my life. Then I put it off. I stopped doing what I love doing. I tell myself its because I'm too busy. I don't have the time to detail my car every weekend, look for photoshoot locations or even do photoshoots, or make graphics like I used to. I'm too busy with everything. With friends, the club, and school . But oops, I guess thats not true, is it.

School . I look forward at Thanksgiving break as somehwat of a mini-new beginning for me. The real new beginning, of course, is going to be next quarter. My enrollment window opened today at 2:00PM. I didn't end up registering for any classes until 11:00. It turns out the classes I have to take (CEE81B, CEE80, MATH 3D, CHEM51A) have conflicting time slots. I can't take Organic Chemistry because it falls into the same time slot as Dynamics (CEE80). Organic Chem. Its a class I should've gotten over with this quarter. Had I tried, I probably would've passed it.

Had I tried. Now I'm behind a class and I'm looking at ways/opportunities for me to claw myself back to where everyone else is. Organic Chemistry next quarter (winter) would have been a really good start. I woudld've taken it with Vivi. She could help me (and I could maybe help her ) like we did in math 2D. I did well in 2D. Its lovely how everything I look forward to (taking OChem with Vivi) falls through. I just end up disappointed as usual.

So now I'm taking Math 3D (waitlisted), Econ 20A, CEE81B, and CEE80. I'm thinking about taking Econ 20B as well to fill up my schedule, but nothing is set into stone until next quarter, so I don't really have anything to worry about yet.

I want to become productive again. I think I will. I have hope. After all, hope is all we live for.

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Hi Phi,

Thanks for sending your poem. I just wanted to let you know that I've discovered I don't have a third paper from you. This is not good for your grade, but late will be much better than getting a zero. I really recommend that you turn in a paper tomorrow.

Also, as I'm sure you know, your lateness to class has been really excessive and seems to be getting worse. You have missed so much class time that it has to detract from your grade (as the syllabus and course policies explain) but if you make an effort come on time for the rest of the quarter, that will help.

Let me know if you have any questions, and see you tomorrow--

For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm truly alone. On a relationship sense, this has been true for quite a while, but I'm not really talking about that... I'm all alone. I'm the master of my fate and I've royally fucked up everything around me. School, relationships, and everything. I feel like I'm in a stupid hole that I keep digging deeper and deeper. I just want to start everything over.

This quarter, by far, has been the worst quarter of college. I haven't been to class, I dropped o-chem because it was "too hard for me" in the 7th week when the deadline to drop is in the 6th. I failed both of my midterms for MAE30 and goofed my midterms in Math 2J. The one class I thought was going good was Poetry, but my instructor thinks I'm a dolt. Poetry is about effort. If you put the effort out, you'll get a good grade..

It seems that I haven't been putting effort into ANYTHING I've been doing recently. I'm just drfiting through life. This is a wake up call. I need to stop waiting around for people, hoping someone will pick up my slack for me. I need to take the initiative, to make the effort. Its probably too little, too late. I e-mailed her back and tried to see what I could do to salvage my grade, but things are looking on the down for me right now.

It sucks that in my time of need, there is nobody I can turn to. I have this journal, but even now things seem to be so impersonal and cold.

I've tried hard to not be emo. To not look down and only look at the good things in life, but its hard not to take a hit like this when everything was in your hands. I'm the reason I'm here. I'm the reason I'm writing this. I'm the reason tears are strolling down my face.

I'm the reason for my pain, for my misery. I was in control and then suddenly, now..

I'm not.

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Its almost been a year now, since I joined up with the club and nothing has really changed. I give. I give. I give and I never receive anything in return. People sometimes ask us why we do it. Why do we work for free, without compensation, without reward. Its really hard to say. The pride? Respect? Something deep inside that lets us know we've made a difference even if no one else knows.

That pretty much sums up what its like to be an officer of Imports@UCI. Its rewarding in a way, and not in others. Most members don't realize how much effort we put into the club. My officers are some of the most dedicated out there, shit. Dedication is going to Officer meetings every Saturday night, and sacrificng all your weekend plans to run the club. Dedication is setting up events and meetings even though you have a final the next day. Dedication is going to a meeting you don't want to be at because you're "supposed" to be there. Dedication is missing The OC, regardless of how great people tell you it is. Dedication is staying after events even though you would rather be home so you can clean up. Dedication is taking pictures for free when you could be making money somewhere else. Dedication.

It'd be a lie for me to say we didn't love the club. At times our dedication fluxuates between love and hate, but theres always that bond we have. Its our baby. Our creation. We all put something into it to make it what it is now. Our pride. Our joy. Why do we do it? Why do we sacrifice our time, effort, sweat and blood? Its for the satisfaction we get when we see members enjoy themselves even if it means doing a good job when no one else notices.

Thumbs down yo. =|

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Give me a chance.

Sigma 20mm f/1.8

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I'm not emo. I think some people are just confused right now. I'm not emo. I'm not depressed. Hell, I'm not even down. I just want to crush something.

Dedicated to Tram, who might view this site from work.

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I woke up at like 3:00PM today. It felt good sleeping in, but horrible waking up. I haven't eaten yet and I'm a little hungry. I spent the last three hours fixing some odds and ends with my car. Last week I wrote about trying to find a craft store, this week I went early and got my Krylon Stained Glass paint. The price came out to be 6.99 after tax.

Originally I was going to paint the outside glass of the fog lights, but after removing the piece itself, I realized I could just paint the inner lens which saved me a lot of time (getting it to look good). I also looked at the wiring on my guage cluster since the lights were turning off and on from time to time. Everything looked ok. One of the wires might've been loose though, so I tightened everything. I hope everything is fine now. I still need to wash the damn thing and get new shocks and a camber kit, but for now things are going pretty good in that realm of my life.

As for other things...

View the gallery


View the gallery

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I'm so tired.

I just installed Starcraft , but everyone is asleep. I should be too. Going to go shower, drink some orange juice, and then.. join the masses.

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Theres not much I can say. I'm not ready for this midterm. I feel like my life is unravelling. At least I still have you. Its going to feel good spending time with you again tomorrow. Its been a while.

Me and my dualies. (I was too lazy to set the lights up right, so I get a stupid chin shadow.. )

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Theres so many things I need to do and I've been procastinating way too much. Now I have a lot to do and little time.

Today
- Poetry write-ups (I always procastinate this one..)
- Schedule or find an appointment then...
- Individual Advising w/ a Professor (so I can register next quarter..)
- Calc homework.. -_-;;
- Study for midterm on Friday
- Imports@UCI bond fire set-up (skip meeting? )
- bonfire/eat after

Tomorrow
- Math 2J Midterm (good luck me?)
- Take pics for VSA Rose Pageant
- ??? Call me? -_-;;

Its going to be a busy day.

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phi dong: why are we taking pics of ourselves again?
SamLeeIII: practice?

phi dong: so why are we taking pics of ourselves again?
phi dong: our narcissistic nature is breaking free? lol
lildragn82: i don't konw
lildragn82: maybe, we're artists remember

So supposedly the Third Party Brigade is starting a daily ritual of taking a self-portrait everyday. If you're wondering why.. apparently Sam and Loc don't know and I sure as hell don't know why.. so.... lol .. This could get interesting.

Hit the snooze one more time.

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SamLeeIII: c1 coming out soon
phi dong: i fuckin hope so
phi dong: i haven't been taking pics at all
phi dong: cuz i am sick of shooting jpg

I haven't been taking pictures recently at all. For several reasons really.

Lack of subject .
Man, I see all these cats online taking pictures all the time. They have this ability to find beauty in such simple situations. Either that or they are surrounded by people who don't mind posing for the camera instead of running away from it.

No raw, no care .
Raw is a format the camera shoots in. Like the name, the format the picture is in its rawest form, untouched by the camera, meaning it holds more information in it than a regular jpg. You can adjust things like the exposure, color contrast/saturation,etc. without really affecting the image quality. I can't shoot raw right now because the program I was using before, C1 Raw, doesn't support the 20D yet. So I must wait.

No motivation .
I'm not quitting photography. I'm not selling my gear. I just don't feel motivated or challenged anymore. Its horrible. I should be cherishing everything I have, going out and taking pictures daily. Finding things to photograph, brining it along with me when I go out with friends so I can record memories, but I don't. I'm lazy. What can I say?

Not enough gear .
I bet you didn't expect that one. My damned bag is too short for the 20D + grip. I need something a bit deeper. I'm looking to purchase a new backpack and case right now. I'm most likely going to pick up:

The Pelican 1510 hard case - 115

and

The Lowepro Micro Trekker Classic - 60-100

Oh, I need to get some more memory for myself as well. I'm probably going to pick up a 2GB or 4GB Sandisk Ultra II card. So much to buy.

And yet, I never snap a single picture.

I'm holding the camera in one hand.

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I'm physically and mentally drained. I just woke up from a 3 or 4 hour nap at the Sciene Library. I haven't really been in the mood to think, work, or put any effort into anything I've been doing recently. I don't really know whats up anymore. I almost feel like I'm wasting away, just going through the motions of life, following the routines and not breaking free and doing what I really want. I'm afraid that if I do something unplanned everything will begin to crumble.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm a lot better at telling people what I think they should do, but I suck when it comes around to making decisions and choices for myself. I get too caught up in the situation, unable to take a step back and analyze my own problems. I want to do something but I don't know what to do. I want to say something, but I don't know what to say. So I'm just waiting. I want to see her again...

I think my main problem is that I haven't been in a relationship for quite a long time, let alone a serious relationship. Its kind of like when you play a video game and then stop for a long time, like Starcraft, everything is new to you again when you pick it up after a while. Thats how it is. When/if I do end up getting into a relationship in college, its going to be like having a girlfriend for the first time all over again.. lol -_-;;

On the other hand, I'm still really rusty when it comes to Starcraft. I don't really play at home, but when I'm over at John's and we LAN it up, I find myself losing quite a bit. Its cool though. I don't think I have the time to play at home, so we'll just leave that where it is.

I got my Masta Ace album yesterday and listened to it on the car ride to school today and while I was napping, up until both sets of batteries I brought with me died out. Its better than em's album, but it isn't really that great. Some of the tracks were pretty good, but I'm really feeling the album by Nas thats coming out on November 30th. A lot of people on the forums were kind of saying that Masta Ace's album is the best hip hop album of '04.. so... They're wrong. LOL

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Some of you noticed that I've been away for quite a bit the last couple of weeks. I attribute most of my absense to the fact that I'm staying on campus and don't have access to computers/internet (or want to access computers/internet to chat on aim for that matter). A lot of things have been going on with my life. Some good, some bad. For the most part, I've remained positive throughout all of the things that have been going on and my positive attitude has proved to be beneficial to me.

On Tuesday I went to try to drop ochem. Under Dan's guidance, I decided not to drop the class last Friday since I already had a signature which was supposedly valid for 10 days. No good. I had to get the dean's signature instead. So after walking back and forth around campus 4 times, I ended up at the Engineering Counciling office where I had to petition to drop the class. Two days and a lot of lost studying time later, I finally got the petition granted and got to drop the class. Which is bad because I shouldn't have even been in my situation, but good because I talked to Vivi last week and shes going to be taking Chem 51A and 51LA next quarter too so I get to take it with her!

On Thursday I left home at around 11:00PM to go to John's place and study for my MAE midterm on Friday. Unfortunately for me, Thursday was a holiday... a holiday I couldn't enjoy. We spent a lot of time just trying to stay awake and laughed a lot (for reasons I forget now) but we talked, studied and slept. Well, I slept on the floor for like an hour or two. We ended up studying a lot of midterm one stuff, but we got in some midterm two stuff and several games of Hook, Line, and Sinker. We stayed up the entire night and took the midterm in the morning on Friday. I hope I did ok. After that we slept for a bit. Well, John did and I played more Hook, Line, and Sinker and Starcraft while he slept. We worked out on Friday as usual. We played basketball (Zach came along this time ) and I ended up jamming the crap out of my index finger trying to save the ball. Lifting was decent, but really rushed because we got there late (we went to Pepboys to get some cheap techron, which I spilled on my sandal and foot.. ).

I got home that night around 12:30AM and my mom didn't say anything to me. It was kind of weird because I had left over 24 hours earlier and when I got home no one really cared. At least I didn't either, so it was no big deal.

The weekend was decent enough. I went shopping with my sisters on Saturday at Old Navy (I don't like it that much) but they were having some crazy clearance sales so I bought a lot of shirts. My sisters had a coupon for 5 dollars off 25, so I bought like 5 or 6 shirts (2$ each ) and 3 packs of ankle socks (I needed them). Then I went to an officer's meeting and dinner for Zach's birthday. It was pretty decent. TGIF but for Zach, anything!! Mother fucker is getting all emo and shit.

I was reading up on some forums today and decided I wanted to fix my car. I finally back-2-blacked the moldings on my car (yes, I did it alone despite the fact that someone made detailing alone not fun anymore) and then made up my mind to yellow the lenses on my fog lights. I headed out to craft stores after church. I hit up Home Depot (no good), Michaels, Joann's, then another Michaels. The Michaels had it but they only had blue,red,green, and purple. I wanted yellow. The Joann's was closed and the 2nd Michael's was closed so I'll probably end up getting the stuff next weekend and doing the "modification" then. No big deal. I ended up in a department store instead and was eyeing a jacket, but they didn't have my size. I'm starting to wear smalls instead of mediums...

Its crazy how we all evolve over time. I remember in Jr. High and High School I would wear Large all the time trying to hide in a sea of bagginess and then towards my senior year I began to wear medium and now I'm trying to aim for the smalls. Anyway, they only had the Docker's jacket I wanted in M-XXL, which is too big so I left with just a pair of shoes. I wanted something that looked cool, but sttled for a pair of New Balance. Pulling out shoe boxes and restacking them brought back some memories of Robert Wayne .

This entry was more "tell you what happened" instead of "reflect on what happened" but thats really what you get when you try to summarize what has happened over the last week instead of posting individual thoughts as they occur. I've been way too busy to update this thing, but wanted to fill people in who are too afraid or impersonal to talk to me and only live as part of my life through my journal.

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I just ordered Masta Ace - Long Hot Summer. I hope its good. This will be the first album I've bought in a long time.

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FIJI tastes exactly like Kirkland to me. I did a comparison of FIJI (mildly cold) vs Kirkland (cold) and they tasted the same. I'm going to drink the FIJI anyway since I bought a six pack. Its not too expensive, comes out to about 70 cents per 16.9oz, which is cheaper than what I pay for Aquafina at school.

But yeah, I don't think it tastes like air. Discuss?

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I started lifting again last week and exercising in general. Its been something I've wanted to do for a while but never really had the motivation or desire to do it.. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.. Dan, John, Sunny, and me go to the Arc and play some ball then lift and do some machines and stuff. Its pretty fun. I'm amazed by the fact that I've picked up exactly where I left off in terms of weight, although I still suck at basketball Its still fun running around and stuff though and just hanging out with everyone in general.

I woke up at 12 today. I guess I hit the alarm and it turned off, then I went right back to sleep, missing both of my classes. I seriously need to start sleeping so late. I slept at like 4:00am last night, or this morning I guess, so that explains a lot.

Yeah.... I guess my life is starting to get kind of interesting. Breaking the mold, the routine. I've just been thinking a lot lately.. about school, and friends, and her. Shes really the first girl that has caught my eye since senior year in high school. I don't know how significant it is, but yeah.. I haven't really liked anyone and now I do. I have so much to say, but nothing is coming out of my mouth.

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So today I woke up really late. I was planning on going to a Supra meet with Sam, but it turns out he didn't go either, and I completely missed it because I set my alarm clock up wrong (I'm a total noob).. I know.

I went with Dan to check out another hatch. Honestly, Dan needs to pick up a car soon. Hes been looking back and forth at cars and cars and more cars. From Civics to Integras to MR-Ss and no dice. The problem with Dan, you see, is that he is too picky. He is the definition of unpleasable. If theres something wrong with the car, he won't get it because its not perfect enough for him. Unfortuantely, its hard to find a perfect hatch thats 8-10 years old. . . I don't know if hes going to end up getting the one we looked at, but it was pretty clean except for a couple of areas. Some body panels didn't exactly line up right and the rear fender and rear bumper were pretty scratched. The RH sideskirt had a weird dent in it and Zach says the wiring needs to be looked at, but hey.. me and John approve so...

After checking the car out, we hung out for a bit at Dan's place and then I called Adrienne up to go watch a movie, the Incredibles. I think this should go without saying because most Pixar movies are pretty damn good, but the Incredibles was a fun movie. I'm glad AJAX didn't mind me talking throughout the movie, something a lot of my old friends used to complain about.

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deny from 209.150.
allow from all

The level of spam this site has been getting has nearly tripled over the last couple of weeks. I've been sending each IP address to the ban log on movabletype, but it hasn't been helping so I decided to just .htaccess ban all of the subnets.

If you're wondering, just type that stuff into your .htaccess file and it'll ban all IP addresses starting with xxx.xx or you can ban a specific IP address if you know they are on a static IP.

That is all.

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you..

The warmth of her hands
against yours.
Holding
the broken pieces of you
together.

The smile on her face as she
breaks the silence.
Relaxing
the doubts in your
mind.

The sound of her voice, calms your
fragile self.
Whispering
the ugly words
made beautiful.

The look in your eyes
as you realize.
This is goodbye.

I don't really know what to say. I've been sitting here for the last twenty minutes trying to write something meaningful. Attempting to just get some thoughts out to... clear my mind, but I honestly don't know what to say. I don't know what to tell you. I mean, I want to tell you.... how I feel, but I don't even know how I feel...

I'm afraid.

The meeting was utter shit today. Imports@UCI is going downhill and I'm just side stepping out of the way, watching it fall. I'm in no emotional or mental condition to do anything. Oh, I want to, I'm just in no position to. It seems my passion has reduced significantly and is now divided among many different things. The meetings have been progressively getting worse and "THE OC" being on Thursdays, at 8PM doesn't really help much either. I'm sitting back, watching. Relaxed, but not relaxed. Chilling, but not chilling. I want to do something, but once the ball starts rolling theres little I can do.

We went to Albert Taco's after the meeting. A far drive in a direction I didn't want to go. Its weird how life imitates life. I didn't feel like being there, but I felt obligated at the same time. I want to just take a break from everything. I want to let everything go and head toward a different direction, but its too hard. I have too many attachments to too many things. You're one of them.

The way back was the best part of the whole night. Not because I was driving away, but the fact that all the lanes of the 5 north were blocked. I waited an hour just to reach the scene and overall it took me almost 2 hours to get home... and only till I got home to check sigalert.com did I find out...

I guess there was an accident with two passenger cars and 3 big rigs. All the lanes were blocked off. It happened at 9:30 and at 10:00 they sent message to a coroner to show up on scene. There was a convertible and a BMW 325 involved. I saw the BMW and it was crushed in the front, facing the wrong direction.

Coroner Request the Best Access 10:42 PM
Best Access off at LA Paz Go to the East to North On Ramp // Hopefully Ofcr Will Allow Them to Get There

I don't know how to feel.

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