PHIDONG.COM . 5.0

Happy New Year!
While most of the world is looking forward and making their New Year's Resolutions.. I'm going to take a look back into time.. to the year *drumroll* 2003.

The most memerable moment of 2003
Graduation. The event or the act of. I think thats one thing I'll look back and remember for the rest of my life. Its a number with a great significance to all of us, the class of 03. A step forward as we completed a major chapter in our lives. The months that led up to the event and the months that followed were .. excellent. In an almost twist of irony, everyone became closer and bonded right before the "end". Ah.. well.. :p It was.. interesting.
Runner up:Quitting work. Freedom!

Most money in the bank in 03?
Or how about my whole life. 2300 dollars saved up... But I guess when you have a lot of money, its easy to .. spend a lot of money. :x

The greatest purchase of 2003
Wow. One thing 03 was, that no other year before it could ever be, was a year of spending. Forget all that "economy is sucking" talk because I brought in over $6,000 from work and spent every single penny. With the mighty cash flow, I purchased plenty. There can only be one greatest purchase though.. and that'd have to be.. My Canon Digital Rebel!@ Photography definitely found its place in my heart.. This thousand dollar purchase.. was.. one of the biggest of 03 as well.
Runners up: My monster computer (1000+), Canon S50, Type-R Lips

The biggest update of 03
Journal sites became a big part of all of our lives in the year 2003. Never before had such a trend swept through the entire internet to consume all of our times. This was the Asian Avenue of 03! While sites such as friendster and findapix attempted to control the minds of the internet, blogging prevailed as the greatest fad of 03. Xanga, Livejournal, blah blah diaries.. But none of them could lay a single finger on phidong.com. On April 26, 2003, phidong.com version one was released.
In less than 9 months of existence, the site has seen 2 major updates. The biggest one had to be.. Version Three, which came out of.. nowhere.

The Best Movie of 2003
03 will definitely not be a year that I will remember for its great movies, but it did release a couple that I will forever remember. One of the main focuses of my life soon became movie watching, but watching alone cannot bring joy, especially when you get to see a bunch of CRAP! So, I spent a lot of my time reviewing (and sometimes not reviewing) movies that I watched. The greatest movie of this year, for me, had to be... Matchstick Men (9.25) The movie was seriously a psychological thriller that made you really thing. It was a masterfully directed piece that really connected with itself in all aspects. Nicholas Cage really played the role well and made it seem believable, as well as hooking the audience into the CHARACTERS <- something a lot of movies this year failed to introduce.
Runners up: Finding Nemo (8.8), The Last Samarai (8), Runaway Jury (7)
Unrunner ups (worst of the year): The Medallion (.5/10), Kill Bill Volume One (2/10)

The best GAME of 2003
When all your friends leave to college and you have to procastinate (and you're a guy).. theres only one thing you can do. GAME. The year saw its ups and downs of games, but there were some that really stood out. With my new monster of a computer on hand, computer games OWNED this year (that and my ps2 is gathering dust in the drawer).. This goodie arrived in time to help with my gaming. The best game of 2003? Prince of Persia. Although I haven't finished it, Prince of Persia has shown some of the best camera controls of any game I have played this year. Along with its great graphics and interesting storyline, this has to be the best game of the year. Best multiplayer game? Need for Speed Underground is not just a runner up.. it was a fairly good game as well. Despite its horrible AI design, this game proved to be a good time killer and a fun one at that. The RICEness really turned me off, but decent levels, story, graphics, etc. made this one really interesting. Unfortunately, the game lacked heavily in the replayability department because of its YUCKY ai. :/
Runner ups: Beyond Good and Evil, Desert Combat (1942), NBA LIVE 2004

Best TRIP of 03
No drugs here. ANTI-DRUGS & ALCOHOL!! ARGH. The best road trip ever.. NOR CAL!. It was a nice time before my friend left me forever, so I'll remember this bonding experience for a while. There are still pics in my gallery, so feel free to browse them and reminisce with me. Lol.

Biggest Accomplishment of 2003
I can barely point to many accomplishments that I have done in my life.. so pointing out an accomplishment in 03 that was big for me is a far stretch, but the biggest accomplishment was probably.. getting a B in Calculus 2a. Seriously. Even with Chemistry and Physics looming around the corner, I still managed to pull of a B in a class counsilors advised me NOT to take because I scored a W <- warning in the placement test (meaning warning warning don't take it). They told me 80% of the people who take calc with a warning received a D or failed. I took it anyway.
Runner ups: Launching PhiloaderSIX on January 18

Best SONG of 2003
If you would've asked me what I thought would be the best song of 03 last year, I would've probably said some rap song or some lame slow jam or something. Suprisingly, the best SONG is no song at all, but an entire genre that I have grown to love and listen to regularly. Classical music has definitely played its role this year, helping me to concentrate on school and studying as well as relaxing my mind when I got sad/depressed/lonely/angry/etc. :p Go classical!
Runner Ups: None.

And finally... *drumroll again*
BEST READER of 2003
There was only one. There can only be one. Tramizzle Egoizzle fo shizzle! Tram = BOMBS
Runner ups: don't even think about it suckas =D

Other random stuff:
Best drink - Pepsi (always)
Best (new) food - http://www.leesandwiches.com/
Greatest gift - life, my slik 300dx tripod, and my bed sheets (future post)
Funniest Prank - this was a great one that will show its face in 04 .. trust
Suckiest thing - getting a C+ in physics, + higher than my chem grade, which i studied for and didn't expect to fail =T .. well, i studied for physics too.. SUCK!

Well, thats all kids. I'm going to go enjoy the last 40 minutes of the year and prepare myself for the coming year(s). HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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Geez.. another year has rolled by. As the year nears its end.. I can't help but notice all the "Best of 2003" or "Most [blank] of 2003" type of deals. Everyone is doing it.. so .. well.. I guess I'll do it too!

But, not now. I gotta give you something to look forward to suckers.

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Christmas was great. Power went out @ my Grandma's though.. so we had to open presents in the dark.. ergh. 2 hours then we left because it was dark. SUCKY!

Lets see.. what I got:

- black sheet/comforter/pillowcase
- slick 300dx tripod <- oh yeah!
- 175 dollars
- dried mangos and cranberries. .yum mmy
- hair gel
- starbucks giftcard
- marvel calendar

All in all it was a pretty good xmas.. I got my parents dvds (The Castle in the Sky and Finding Nemo), my mom 3 tins of planter's nuts, my dad this photo some guy drew for him (I blew it up and printed it 150dpi on photo glossy paper for him). I gave my sisters 1) vinyl cd-rs + 3 light lamp, 2) stamps + stampads, 3) headphones and a capo & metronome

Bah yeah. Thats all. I'm looking forward to my tripod.. it should come before my Sigma 70-210mm lens gets back, but when both are here i'll be one happy photo camper.

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That one coloring I started...

[ click here ]

Its done. Bye!

[ click here ] <- originaaalll

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As I completed the beta template for foureight.net I couldn't resist but to check my coding to the "standards." Its important, now, more than ever for me to start coding correctly, so I went over to w3.org..

BAM!

VALID.

Great. What a big accomplishment for me. I grinned with that elitist fuck smile and contemplated whether or not I'd put the button on my site. Kinda ugly, doesn't match.. ergh. No. No way! "I'll design one 4 times bigger and really show the world I'm an elitist fuck."

So heres my proposal to you.. PUT MY BUTTON ON YOUR SITE!.

1) ITS A LOT BIGGER. What better way to compensate for your lack of skills then have a huge button on your site that says "I'm an elitist fuck!" Thats right, now everybody will know it for sure. Images are worth a thousand words, this one says one thing "I'm an big asshole." Not only will it take up half the screen, but it'll boost your self-esteem. Who says you suck? You write validated code!

2) You're leet, you know it, everyone should know it too! Hell yeah. That ugly orange white button in the past was too small to catch attention even though it clashed against nearly all designs. This baby will seriously put that break in your design you were looking for. Destroy all fluidy that you spent drawing in photoshop by tossing this 400x140 pixel monster on your page. No one will miss it. Let it be known that you are LEET!!

3) Make others feel REALLY BAD that they aren't as cool as you! Thats right. Not everyone gets to put a XHTML validated icon on their site, but you.. you.. you're really leet. Welcome to the exclusive club where we only let people who can validate, fail, and fix their code in. Yeah, thats right.. not EVERYONE is allowed in this, so you're seriously leet. We get to rub it into people's faces that we're leet.. and THEY'RE NOT! Oh... thats the first step in being an elitist fuck.. congratulations.

You must feel accomplished. Your design skills suck, but you can validate your code. Congratulations. You put a butt ugly icon on your site. You're leet now, welcome to the club. If you could design, you'd realize the icon doesn't match with your site, its ugly, it screams.. "I'm elite and you're not even though I'm not elite, I'm just self proclaimed elite fucker fuck me fuck me I suck"

I guess I'm bitter from the time some fucker IM'd me and told me I sucked because I couldn't code validated, even though my site looked fine in all browsers. His site had three of these icons. Design? Sucked. Sorry bro..

Guess what fucker, you're not better than me. You're nothing. You're so pathetic about your design attempts that you try to make it up with a homo icon that proves nothing. Yeah, you validated it, failed, fixed your mistakes. Big deal.

Go away.

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I hate how life can sometimes be so straigh forward, and other times its murky and unclear. I'm confused. I think I'm trying to do too much, trying to accomplish too many things without ever accomplishing a single thing. People are confusing.. I feel so damn alone and unaccomplished.. lost. I think the art I've been working on might mean something like..

Light being guidance.. faith or something.. whatever it is, I want it now.. ugh. :|

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"Characterless, undefined, dull, tame, indistinctive, unformed, dreary, colorless, blah, bland, mundane, indifferent, empty, undistinguised, trite..."

I wonder what its like to lose yourself. Not like Eminem?s ?Lose yourself?, but to lose your personality, your drive, your character. When we?re kids, we spend most of our time trying to find out who we are. We attempt to define ourselves. When the man tries to suppress us, we rebel and do anything possible to defend what we stand for. Anything from wearing sweatshirts and dickies to ditching school. These characteristics are like books that we write about ourselves; they speak volumes.

It isn?t just what we wear that represents who we are, but the people we surround ourselves with as well. Those five to eight white sweatshirts sitting around the blue table with me at lunch were a pretty fair assessment of what I stood for. Respect, dignity, hard work, dedication, humor, fun. ?Lead us to ?Fun Time?? we would shout. Responsibilities would drown behind good times. Good times.

I always felt that memories would define who you are as well. I mean, I?ve spent the majority of my life thus far, defending my beliefs. I?ve grown to this point. It seems almost ridiculous for me to throw it all away, but what would it be like.. if I did? What if I got up and left all of ?my past?.. in the past?

I wonder how it would feel.. to lose who you are.

I mean, what happens when all that?s left to define yourself is your memories. Growing up, we would be surrounded by our music, our clothes and most importantly our friends, but what if I lost all of that. It would be like I lost myself.. I would become characterless, undefined, dull, tame, indistinctive, unformed, colorless, blah, bland, mundane?.

I wonder how it feels. I hope it feels good to throw away your beliefs, your religion, your character, yourself. If it doesn?t, I?m sorry..

Keep it up kid, keep it up.

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I've decided this is going to be a designing break. I'm going to try to get better at graphics by doing various experimental and web stuff. My goal is PHP & XML along w/ Flash & Illustrator (and of course Photoshop). Its quite a lofty goal, but I think I can get some of it accomplished. PHP is a must because I'm relaunching philoader six in January and need to write that damn script. I'll be helped of course, so it can't be that bad. Illustrator and Flash though.. ugh. Stab me in the eye. I hate flash.

New Flash Piece

Worked on that all day. Congratulations me.

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Happy bday to me! I'm 19 yay :x

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phpeznews: hey
philoader: sup
phpeznews: do you do graphics work for free
philoader: free?
philoader: whats that mean
phpeznews: like
phpeznews: can you make me a web design for free
philoader: free?
phpeznews: yes
phpeznews: meaning i dont pau
philoader: no charge?
philoader: woah..
philoader: i've never heard of that proposal before..
philoader: The rate is 150+ per layout (psd format), 300$ coded, 50$ intro page (psd), 80$ coded. Additional charges: Logo design - 30$, each aditional coded page - 20$.
philoader: or you can pay an hourly fee of 30$/hr
phpeznews: ok
phpeznews: cya then
philoader: ok
phpeznews: why dotn people work for fre
philoader: It takes me at least 5 hrs to design a layout alone.
philoader: I don't understand why you're asking for a free website.
philoader: What incentives do you have to offer?
philoader: If someone asked you to help them dig a 9 ft hole (deep) that was 10ft x 10ft (so you're moving 900 sq ft of dirt) by yourself, would you do it?
philoader: Free of charge?
philoader: I didn't think so.
philoader: Why do people expect others to work for them, free of charge?
phpeznews: ??
philoader: If someone asked you to help them dig a 9 ft hole (deep) that was 10ft x 10ft (so you're moving 900 sq ft of dirt) by yourself, would you do it?
philoader: Free of charge.
philoader: They're just going to watch you dig it.
philoader: Thats what you're asking me to do
phpeznews: no
philoader: Exactly.
philoader: Well, why should I build a website for you by myself free of charge?
phpeznews: i code php
phpeznews: but im not a designer
philoader: So?
philoader: Maybe I can build caskets, but I can't dig holes.
philoader: Will you dig my hole for me?
phpeznews: yup
philoader: Ok
phpeznews: where
philoader: Well, dig me a 900 sq ft hole
philoader: and i'll toss you in my casket
philoader: and bury you
phpeznews: you want me to fly over to where u live
philoader: because you're an idiot
philoader: If you can't understand how the work->payment system works..
phpeznews: ok
philoader: Alright then, I'll design you a webpage.
phpeznews: for free
philoader: Of course.
phpeznews: nah u wont
philoader: Ok, if you say so
phpeznews: i like ur design
philoader: Thanks.
phpeznews: could u make something like it
philoader: What design
phpeznews: http://www.philoader.net/s
philoader: Where did you get my aim?
phpeznews: why
philoader: Why what?
philoader: I'm wondering where you got my screen name from
phpeznews: i got it from tut forumds
phpeznews: why ru ganna block me
philoader: why would I do that
philoader: i'm about to design you a layout
phpeznews: ok cool
phpeznews: are you sure
philoader: about what?
phpeznews: that you will
phpeznews: what made you change your name
phpeznews: mind*
philoader: you agreed to dig me a 10x10x9 foot hole
phpeznews: oh no
philoader: what?
phpeznews: fine forget it
philoader: oh..
phpeznews: im not digging the hole
philoader: why not??
phpeznews: cause itz lame
philoader: fine, i'm not designing the site
philoader: cuz its lame..

Seriously now..

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Gah. I've studied for too long for too long for too long. Literally failed the Physics final today, went to eat, then to library to do some Calculus. I've only done 17/32 problems or something of the practice final. Getting hungry again. Don't want to give up my spot. I'm nervous, I need to do really well on the final.

Gah
..

Bah!

Dying.

Have to write esasy for English by tomorrow afternoon as well. Screwed.

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Tram got BRAIM FUCKED! Lol!

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Tues, Dec 9 8:00 a.m. - 10:00 a.m. physics
Wed, Dec 10 8:00 a.m. - 10:00 a.m. calculus
Fri, Dec 12 10:30 - 12:30 p.m. chemistry

Oh joy!

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Geez, I have a lot of studying to do. Better skiddadddleee ;(

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I should just change the title of my journal to uncertainty. That is, afterall, the theme of my life thusfar. I'm the do-everything-last-minute-indecisive type of person who plans and expects nothing out of life. That is my problem. I've already identified it for quite some time now. My new problem is learning how to deal with it.

I have no fucking idea where I'm going with life. I didn't know what college I was going to until my senior year in high school, and even then.. I picked my major last minute. Everyone who knows or talks to me is suprised when I tell them what I'm doing. "Environmental Engineer," I spurt out with some sort of uncertainty. "What.. you're not going into computers?" .. "No." I'm just that type of person, I guess. Uncertain.. or unpredictable? I don't even have any idea.

I guess I can relate the uncertainty in my life to cancer of the brain. It is killing me, but I can't live without it (or at least it can't be surgically removed). I hate it. I hate it! I'm sitting here now, after another wasted Sunday attempting to get my six page working draft together. This is it. My not-so-good start of the week as normal, putting things aside, crossing out "low-priority" items from my to-do list and putting them aside for later, when they will grow and become "high-priority-urgent" items. Take for example the individual meeting I was supposed to attend so that the hold on my registration (on Wed, Dec 3) could be lifted that I was supposed to get done 2 weeks ago but left until either Monday or Tuesday.. or the conceling I was supposed to go to before registration to see what I should be doing with the rest of the year, planning out something for what seems to be the first time in my life, or even this stupid essay which I had 4 days to at least brainstorming but now have 2 hours before my brain quits out and tells me that sleep is more high-priority than a working draft. Thats how its always been. Some people could argue that I work better under stress or that I just need to start over. Yeah. Start over. Thats what I said after every quarter, every semester. Thats what I said when I was freed from the bounds of High School. Now, I'm in the same position. I'm going to do it all better after this quarter ends.

No, I need to put an end to it now. I'm tired of catching up. For once, I want to be in the #1 position coming into the final turn of the course. So.. I scribble "get everything together" and draw a little box for a checkmark in my little black memo pad. A reminder that maybe I shouldn't be debating whether my blog should be called uncertainty or liberation, but to step up and liberate myself from the uncertainty.

Life is uncertainty.

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