PHIDONG.COM . 5.0

Sending my camera back in for a new one. Seems that theres a stuck pixel on it, so Ritz Camera is sending me a new package and I'll be sending this one back. Unfortunate.

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I don't want to go anymore. I found out, though, that I can do my English homework before English class. Go 2 hr break!@ *cheers*

Heres a pic I took w/ my dReb after discovering it had a stuck pixel. Great. :|

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I had to read this for class.. It makes an interesting read, and he makes some pretty controversial points about the educational system and how education differs from schooling (they are completely different things). His argument is that the schooling system implemented by the United States based on Prussian ways is basically a system of dumbing which stops the maturing process of American society and genius growth.

Enough from me though, read it yourself.

John Taylor Gatto - Against Schools

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Excitement is a feeling of elevation, a high almost.. almost. I don't understand how people could be excited about attending classes again.. as if high school wasn't enough of an experience that you would be excited about 4-5+ more years of this garbage. I left the house at 7:50.. morning traffic. It sucks. Traffic sucks. I hate traffic. Parked far away, it was the only spot open..

And then it all started sinking in again. Taking notes, "paying attention".. I'm so poor now.. I can't even afford to pay attention! Calculus, I found out, is really hard, especially if you haven't taken any sort of PRE-REQ class. I'm suprised I got into the damn class in the first place, and I suprise myself even further for attempting to take and pass it. As I crack open my brand new book and review chapter 1 (1-1, 1-2).. it dawns on me. This is gonna be one fucking hard quarter!

Already, I've begun to feel lethargic and lazy.. procastination is a sweet feeling until you reach climax and are greeted with the realization that you just FUCKED yourself over. Heh. I'm starting to procastinate on this homework that I technically don't have to do but should do since I don't understand shit. Instead of doing it, I sit here typing away to update my one fan of my current life situation. I'm sad to see summer go, but.. eh? This will be interesting.. Its almost suspenseful, seeing how things will turn out for me.

Bah! Back to Calculus. :x

Oh.. and my camera is cool. Both of them.

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Here it is. Its so important it gets front page view.

I'm going to go visit David today. I'll bring my baby along.

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I also bought a Canon 50mm/f1.8 Prime Lens. $75

Oh trust me, this is just the beginning!

I still need to buy filters for the lenses (58 and 52mm now instead of 49) HAH!

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Whats the point of money if you can't spend it? As I was leaving work for the last time, I realized I will no longer have a source of income.. and I started to reflect on my work over the last 5-6 months. Money is made to be spent. Its a funny thing that you have to earn it, and in many respects, I was just using work to "earn" money. I never ever looked forward to it, and I was rarely ever happy there. I made a joke of work to get through it, and now I am so glad its over.

My coworkers told me they wish they were in my situation. I have no bills (except my cell) to pay for, no insurance, etc. I just make the money and spend it. I have the ability to splurge and spend all kinds of cash with little remorse or guilt. I, you could say, have not learned the value of a dollar. Its funny. Parents tell their kids that one day they will understand the value of a dollar.. and from that point on, they will be transformed into cheap greedy bastards. THE VALUE OF A DOLLAR? Money is worth nothing. Its just paper. The fact that you could see "value" in it would only point to your growing disease. Greed. Its like a virus, an infectuous body that preys upon people's minds. Only when you are greedy will you finally understand what a dollar is worth because you will put so much value in it, that you won't even want to spend it.. you'll just want more of it.

I played Neopets about two years ago. To many, its a child's game.. "exploring" the world and playing games, but for me it was a challenge. I wanted to be powerful, I wanted to be a neopoints millionaire, so I spent hours upon hours buying and selling chocolates, playing the dumb games, and even went as far as creating a script that explored the lands to get money. (I was a loser). I did learn a lot though because as I soon came upon a million neopoints, I lost interest in the game. What was the point of getting all that money and never spending it? If I had 1 million, I would just want two.. and if I wanted something, I couldn't even spend it for fear of dropping below 1 million neopoints. My bank account is the same thing. Its the first time, ever, that I've ever been over 2000 (I am usually loaning out money and stuff). 2G. Wow. When I reached 1000, I didn't want to buy shit because I was scared of triple digits. Greed. Its insane what it does to you.

Fuck it though. I am my own man, I choose MY destiny.. and this week, I decided to get the Canon Digital Rebel. Fuck you fuckers. 1024.94

Late!

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You're probably wondering why I haven't updated since my last post. Its not because I've been neglecting the site. I've just been waiting for something meaningful to write about, and here it is. Nothing. Yeah. Nothing. For the last couple of days, I've just been sitting here. No one really talks to me online or anything, so I just sit. Its idle time, thinking time. Its a waste of time. I feel like I've been demoted to nothing. My life has no more meaning, no more purpose. I live only to consume air and energy, nothing else. For what I take, I give nothing back. Its a sad existense.. and because of that.. no update. :|

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Life is funny. Its funny how it all works out. And its funny that I can be so vague about an entry and mean so much. How else can I put it but funny. How else can I describe what is happening to me right now? I try to put it into words, but nothing comes out. I'm choking inside.. stuttering.. losing my mind. Its funny. Not a joke, I guess.. or maybe it is. Life is laughing at me.. at my inability to cope with the events that are occuring all around me. Funny.

Saturday.. September 20th, 2003. The closing of a chapter in my life. I've always looked at life as a book. You write what happens to you. You choose your own destiny. Some things are givens. You can't prevent the inevitable from happening and you obviously can't dwell upon something forever. I remember in the 3rd or 4th grade, grabbing my first chapter book and realizing how much more in depth books can be. It wasn't till recently that I came to the conclusion that my life is a long chapter book. Chapters, like all good things, I know... come to and end.. and two are closing today.

Summer as I know it is over. My summer-time job. Its over. Today will be my last day. In just 16 hours, I start my last shift ever. But who cares about that. There is a much more significant role in my book that is going away. Its funny how all my existence is going away in a single moment.. on the same day. In less than 8 hours .. probably my best friend will be gone.. and then in the following 8 hours, my job will be gone as well. The two things that seemed to keep me going throughout the summer.. that gave me purpose, that gave me meaning will be gone. Without them.. I am seamingly nothing. I reflect back on the last three months and all I can remember are some of the happiest times of my life. It sucks that just as I was getting closer to David.. he has to go away. I sit here and curse at his parents for caring about him.. wanting him to go to what they believed was the best place for him. UCR. I mean, what do you fucking expect. They're asian parents.. and all asian parents know that UCs are way fucking better than Cal States. Hell, thats why I'm becomming a fucking environmental engineer instead of some fancy shmancy environmental designer (oh yeah, theres a huge difference). ... I curse at them for taking my best friend away from me. It sucks.

It sucks because he was so much like me. He is one of the only people who ever really shared my passion for photography. Sure, not in my artistic sense, but he was patient with me and understood what I wanted to do. On our trip, he let me take pictures and listened to my babbling about photography even though he probably could care less about the difference between ISO 50 and ISO 400.. or what Av or Tv modes did.. but he listened. Coincidently, just as he was there to listen to me talk about photography, grpahics, warez... whatever.. he was always there for me.. to make me laugh when assholes invaded my store and made my day horrible, or to guide me in the right direction when everything was falling apart. I never got to tell him, and I'm not the type of person who is really open about my emotions.. but he was really the type of person that I could just go talk to. I've been reading a lot of stupid quotes saying a true friend is someone you can just sit there and not say a word and it'll be one of the best conversations you've ever had or whatever... and I always felt like I had that with him.

People used to call us brothers.. strangers, I mean, would confuse us for brothers. In a way.. David was my brother. The brother I never had. We had that close relationship that was virtually dramaless. It was cool. We didn't have to talk everyday.. or anything.. and we would still have an understanding of each other. We were both like our lives, like books, we could be read by one another. So you could say.. David was a part of me, of my life that was very dear to me.. and now hes leaving and theres nothing I can do to slow it down or stop it.

It was our last meeting today. We went to eat w/ everybody .. then to Carson's house. Its sad. I can see how David is sad. There were at least 14 people there today.. and only one other person is actually travelling further than David.. everyone else, for the most part, is staying rooted at home.. and hes leaving. I don't know.. I gave him my Cat 5 cable so he can go online.. and I'll probably visit him a couple times. His parents won't let him take the car, so he won't be able to go anywhere.. it'll be a strictly me going there only thing.. which will suck because I'm lazy and stuff. Iono. I couldn't even look at him today as I said goodbye. I suck at goodbye's... so I just said bye like I always do. "Lock the door on your way out".. then I turned around and cried. :| I'm a fucking loser. At least when he was here, I was a fucking loser with a friend, but now I'm just.. a fucking loser.

I wonder how things will change when hes gone. How my life will move on. How our relationship will change.. evolve? or fade. People always told me that you have highschool relationships.. and then college relationships. You rarely hold on to both. Its inevitable then, I guess. I can't stop it from happening.....

I've always looked at life as a book. You choose your destiny. Some things are givens.. life, school, friendhips.. and then some things are inevitable. I guess this was meant to happen. :|

Goodbye.

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A lot of people's dailys. What if somehow.. some company with massive bandwidth and capital combined all three. A network of journals w/ gallery's attached to them. Oh man. That'd be so popular, people would poop on Xanga, Friendster, and Gallery sites. Screw blogger too. :/

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How do you justify a $1000 purchase. Greed? Need? No, want. Waste? Hm. The thoughts bounce around in my mind. I'm usually really impulsive and spontaneous when it comes to spending large amounts of money. From reading about infrared photography to buying 200$ in lesnes and an adapter for my digital camera.. or from looking at computer cases to blowing a grand on building one to fit into the case I wanted. It always bothers me though.. making the right decision. Some people worry about paying their bills, eating, etc.. me? I'm spoiled.

The Canon Digital Rebel came out on the 15th (didn't even know) and I finally got to look at it today @ Best Buy. Had the salesperson been more knowledgable/nice .. I probably would've had a 300D in my hands right now... I came in and asked to see it, she brought it out. Its light. It fits in my hand quite nicely. I opened the cap, turned it on, looked through the viewfinder. Could get used to it. I looked up and asked her if they had been selling well. I know each Best Buy only got 3 of them (and this apparently was one). She told me that a bunch of people have been getting it. I laughed. I am a salesperson, I knew she was lying.. so I said.. "you're just saying that".. and she lied again. I proceeded to tell her I knew of its limited release and asked her if she had any in stock. She said they probably have a bunch. Turns out they had none. What a waste of a person.

Thats all I did today.. Oh, that and work. But work was a bust. Went to eat after, and now I will go watch a movie. To 300D or not to 300D. Who knows. I like the pictures it takes and the expansion of learning it will provide me with.. but a thousand dollars? Not so much, unless you take into account that I'm not going to be working anymore. How will I feed my photography desires?

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I got my 49mm lens cap! Now I can leave my filters on the cam and not have to worry about scratching my expensive add-ons.

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Added more pictures to the Photography album including some exciting IR shots I took. Also, added captions to the pictures in the new norcal album.

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Added the "NORCAL TRIP" album. Full of snap-shottish type of pictures we wook (Me and David both took our S50's up and were going picture crazy). I'll add more pictures to the Photography album later. Sleep now, must work tomorrow @ 11.

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I've been asking for change my entire life. Whenever things went bad, I'd hope and pray that things would somehow turn around for me. I wanted things to be different and had difficulty accepting how things were. I look back and reflect now, and it wasn't so bad. Like the movies, things always kind of turned out ok for me.. but still.. I wanted more out of life. I wanted things to be nice. You could say that in a way.. the last couple of months have been nice for me.. but as they say, becareful what you wish for.

I guess like everything else, I've been pushing things away, refusing to deal with reality for a while. I went up North and it was nice. For a single moment, I had no worries at all. I had no obligations, nothing to deal with.. everything was a spontaneous decision on loose time frames.. but the fun was short-lived. I'm back now and I sit and reflect on what is going on and I realize that I wasn't careful for what I was hoping for my whole life. For once, things are nice.. but they have to change. I'm back to work. 36.5 hours. Already I have obligations and responsibilities to deal with..

I'm not sure. I feel weird. No, not weird. Let me elaborate. I hate that word. Everyone says weird and it has so many meanings. I feel semi-depressed/sad/happy/confused/anxious/alone. Who knows. Things are changing around me so rapidly that I can't even keep up. In just two weeks.. school will start for me. No more David coming over at night and playing counter-strike, no more counter-strike at all maybe. No more tiring work to worry about and deal with .. instead my life will be filled with school. Studying. Oh yeah. I say that now but its bullshit. I have no idea whats going to happen with me. I'm torn by confusion. No, not by love this time or even feelings.. but by decisions. Like my poetry project at the end of last school year... I'm at a fork in the road. I seriously don't give a fuck what other people have done here.. I just want to choose something that will lead to my hapiness. I'm going to become a fucking environmental engineer. Fuck. What the hell am I doing.?

On top of all that bullshit, I forgot to waiver out for health insurance from UCI and now I am costing my parents money. I'm such a fucking dumbass. This blows. I am sad.

Goodbye.

I do realize that my entry is full of self-pitty, but who cares. I know I do. :/ And sometimes thats all that matters. The end.

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BYE I'M LEAVING HOMIES

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I took PhiloaderSIX offline. Its one of the failures I'm not proud about, and it sucks that people still see it. :/

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I'm going away. Might come online a bit, but probably not. I'll be taking a lot of pics and stuff, so there will be updated albums when I get back.. I went to take pictures today, no good ones out of the bunch I took. I had one, so I added it to the gallery (IR filter used)

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It feels like someone is DoSing all the sites I normally look at. Everything is going so slow. Other sites are blazing fast, but the ones I visit suck. I am sad.

Counter-strike is gone.

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I woke up early this morning (10) to go to work .. and on my way to work on the Freeway I got a phone call, which is pretty unusual. I picked it up and the guy had a heavy fob accent and said he was Jackie Chan. I started laughing to myself, but I continued to talk to him. He said he was from Mercedes - House of Imports and then I realized what was going on. I signed up for a free mug from Mercedes a couple weeks back and they said they would contact me. I kept thinking it was a recording, but he was responding to me quite fluidly so I continued to talk, then I said I had to go. I doubt it was really Jackie Chan, maybe a fob w/ his name.. but that was wacky! haha :p

Work was ok. I didn't do much (sell shoes or stock).. I kind of just lingered around for 9 hours - 30 min break = 8.5 hrs (30 min overtime!). It was weird. :x I didn't do shit.. didn't even break a sweat.. well, only b/c it was so damn hot today.

Then when I got home David's camera came. Not weird. And three packages. I opened two and they were my diffuser lens, and circ polarizer. Cool. Then the third one..

Uh. A package with a pink bag in it. I thought it was a pillow at first, but it was a bag. I immediately thought my sister ordered something, so I checked the parcel. nope, it was for me. I opened up the bag to find pads, a thermal pad, creams.., etc. It was a rite-aid package full of "girl" stuff =T I guess I won a contest and I didn't even know about it b/c rite-aid sent me 20+ dollars worth of stuff (incl a 5$ gift cert to something) .. so more stuff I won't use. Heh.

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Whoever was trying to go back into time to post messages with a php tag after your name to mess up my journal. You're a fucking moron. Go find something else to do with your time. My server is very secure and running on php-safe mode, so you won't be able to execute shit dumbass.

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Matchstick Men

Opens: September 12, 2003

Rating: PG-13

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Sam Rockwell, Alison Lohman, Bruce McGill, Bruce Altman

Directed by: Ridley Scott

I happened to have in my possesion a good copy of Matchstick Men, so I decided to pop it into my cinematic machine and watch it w/ David. I wasn't expecting much from the movie because I've never heard of it before. I actually had no idea that it was a pre-release (and thats why I haven't heard of it) or even what it was about. The movie is about two con men who are partners, but more about the main character Roy, Nicolas Cage, who is has a compulsive disorder. The majority of the film covers a job the two men attempt to pull on some rich guy.

The great thing about this movie, though, is that it works on so many levels. The movie covers their job of being con artists, Roy's disease and trying to find himself, him and his daughter, etc. This movie is as Roper and Ebert say.. "a masterpiece." Seriously. The movie ropes the audience in with actors who play believable characters that grow on you. As a viewer, I personally, was lured in emotionally by all of the charismatic characters who aren't two dimensional as I've seen in past films *cough*Medallian*cough*

Although there are holes in the movie (what movie doesn't have holes?!) there are few of them. As the movie concludes, everything seems to piece together. The audience has the opportunity to think and put things together for themselves, which is a nice thing because it gives you a feeling of accomplishment before the ending is revealed. The only thing that I didn't like about this movie was the ending. Don't get me wrong, the movie was great. From the characters that touched your emotions to the plot that movied fast enough to make me smile... this movie was good. The ending, however, failed to please me or even make me think that it was happy? Scott (director) succeeds in creating a cinematic work of "art", but perhaps the con is him. Audiences may feel as if Ridley Scott has cheated them at the end of this movie..

"Ridley tacks on a sort of follow-up, which struggles to convince us that kicking us and Roy in the face just when we might have cared most, was in the long run a good thing. Unfortunately, a halfhearted attempt at a happy ending just doesn't replace the good that could have been accomplished with a resolution more worthy of Matchstick's deserving characters." - Joshua Tyler

If I've learned anything over the last month, you shouldn't rely on reviews to help you judge whether or not movies are good/bad.. or even to persuade you to watch them. If a movie is good, you will like it. If it is bad, you wont. You will like this movie. 'nuff said.

Rating: 9.25/10 (seriously)

-.75 because I didn't like the ending and some holes in the movie which I will discuss after it has been released/more people have watched it.

Matchstick Men Trailer

OPENS SEPTEMBER 12

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Someone asked me this a couple night ago, and it got me to thinking. I guess people think I just sit here and stare at my computer monitor all the time. Thats is far from the truth, so I'm about to set everybody straight on what I do while I'm at home. Obviously, sometimes there will be a diviation from what I type here, but for the most part.. this is what goes on..

+ music - I'm always listening to my 1800mp3s or internet radio (ctrl+l on winamp)

+ chatting - I always have aim open. you should know that. I occassionally look at it and see whos online. I instant message all the usuals (if I ever im you, you're a usual)

+ photography - I am obviously away a lot. I go drive around and take pictures or I will go look at photography forums (canon digital photography forum and somethingleet) I experiment w/ my camera a lot

+ clean - my room is always dirty, but when I get really bored, I will clean my room (vacuum, windex, the works) sometimes I'll clean other parts of the house if I'm in the mood as well

+ deal finding - I always have to find a place to spend my money.. hah! I go to slick deals to find most of my deals, but occassionally I'll wander around and try to find stuff on pricegrabber (only when I have something specfici in mind)

+ shopping - I shop a lot. I like spending my money. When I'm really bored I'll go on eBay and search for stuff like "canon" "lens" "filter".. etc. I'm always looking to buy the coolest shit that no one has. I go drive to shopping centers too and window shop.. sometimes I'll impulsively buy something

+ friendster - I hate friendster, but no one else does.. so I sometimes drop in to check my notes, but not often hah!

+ computer-stuff - I like reading about overclocking computers.. forum time. extreme overclocking forums and overclockers club

+ counter-strike - this is mainly to kill time.. a lot of times people will come over to my cool computer-lab (3 networked comps) and play cs with me.. when I play alone its boring anyway

+ journal - I always update this shit.. you know that

+ download - theres no secret about it.. I get all my movies from IRC (internet relay chat) i also get my music from it, but sometimes I'll use kazaa.. I'm always downloading if theres new shit out vcdquality.com usually gives me heads up on new releases and shit

+ graphics/webpages - come on, thats a given

As you can see, I do a lot. A lot of my time goes into participating in forums. I post @ somethingleet, canon-digital photography, extreme oc club, overclocker club, neopages, jdmcivic (but not that much in any) and I chat.. whatever. There you have it, now never question what I do again.

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I just got home. Got off of work at 12:45. It was a bust.

Fedex is fucking gay. They said "On Fedex Truck for Delivery" on their tracking, but I guess it was way too fast. The camera is sitting @ the storage right now .. like 15 minutes away from my house. That makes me so mad!

tracking

Fuck Fedex. Why? Because the company didn't pay an extra 2 bucks u can't fucking drop by my house and drop a camera off? fuck that dude.

I'm pissed.

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This is seriously better than fucking Christmas. I woke up at around 4 today and stumbled towards my front door after finding out David's camera (Canon s50 just like mine) was out for delivery. Two days?! I was thinking it'd be here by Tuesday (next week) but this is definitely a suprise. So I got to the front door and inside the house on my coffee table was three packages and two magazines. FHM, ESPN came along with: my tripod, hood lens, and UV filter. Life is good being a gangster.

The hood lens is cool it colapses and stuff.. UV filter sucks, but I'm going to leave it on all the time, and the tripod is very nice and sturdy. I took some pictures.. I posted a picture of my cam w/ adapter, 2 step-up rings, hood and uv filter on my tripod. Enjoy

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Yesterday I got my awesome speakers (it sounds really amazing.. the bass is nice). I'm still in my break-in period so they should only get BETTER! And then today as I was reading previews of the 300D (Canon Digital Rebel) that I'm considering buying... 3 Packages were delivered to my front steps.

I opened the door to see three brown parcels. I googled to myself, scooped them up and ran to my room where I tore the packaging apart. My paper samples arrived. Envelopes and shiny paper.. woopie. The other two packages contained.. My lens adapter (30.5mm) so I screwed my step up rings on. the other package? Tiffen Close-up Lens's w/ case (+1, +2, +4) and a soft lens (so I can take glamour shots) .. YES! I played a bit with them.. it was fun.. lol.

(the lenses are sitting on some of the shiny paper.. i know it looks like white paper, but its not... it has a pearl gloss that you can't describe you have to see it in person)

Thats all. My IR filter tracking says "Out for delivery" so maybe I'll get that today too??

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They finally came. I have a mock set-up right now.. its really horrible but the speakers sound really good. The only thing I don't like is the damn stands. You have to slide 'em in from the end wire so its pretty difficult, but they sound good so its worth it. The wires are a bit on the short side except for the rear center.. but its def. something I can live with. I give 'em a fat 8/10 overall. 9/10 (because I haven't tested anything better) for sound.. and a 8.5/10 for design. They look cool. Bass is good. Its a lot better than my last set to say the least.

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David bought the same camera as me (S50). Hes so cool.

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UPS Package Tracking

Great. It'll be here on the 5th (Friday).. I HAVE TO WAIT SO LONGG!!

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My 37mm-49mm step-up ring has arrived. Now all I need is my IR filter & my camera adapter and I'm set to do IR photography. I can't wait. .. Actually.. I'd be happy to see any filter right now...

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Damnit. My tripod broke. I had to buy another one from eBay my favorite place on earth. I ended spending another $27. I hope all the stuff I've bought starts coming in soon because I seriously wanna have some fun with photography. If things go well, I see myself buying a Canon 300D (Digital Rebel) in the near future.

Anyway.. thats all. I cleaned my room today, downloaded/organized my movies, broke my tripod.. uh yeah. Thats all. Pretty much a waste of a day. Thanks.

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My Boss's Daughter (9% @ Rotten Tomatoes).

Wow, I was suprised to see the rating on this sucker. Nine percent. That's probably the worst rated movie that I've watched in the last two weeks. The ratings are, however, understandable. No, the movie isn't BAD, but it isn't that great either. This is the type of movie that you can get up and walk away, come back 20-40 minutes later and not have missed much. Most of the movie takes place in the guy's boss's house where he is house sitting. Events keep on happening that are essentially "cock blocking" him from his Boss's Daughter, but in the end everything works out. The movie is filled with annoying scenes where things continually go wrong. This movie filled me with anxiety because things just never went right for him. Theres so much chaos going on, in fact, that things start to just get annoying when they happen. Towards the end of the movie, I was just hoping for it all to end because I wanted to see what would happen. Interestingly enough it all ties together in the end and all the problems that occur happen (even though so annoyingly) for a reason. The ending is kind of lame because he got so much help, but its an ending nonetheless. I was kind of annoyed at some of the actions characters took which did nothing but confuse me (IE the black guy that helps clean up the house eating the dirt/drinking cleaning fluid and smiling?!)..

I have to admit, though, the movie was somewhat funny and interesting to watch. Any longer of a movie and I probably would've gagged, but the movie was decent enough with enough moments for me to give it a .... *drumroll* 6.2/10.

I don't think I ever showed you guys my theatre set-up.. No, I don't watch all of these movies I review in the theatre (mostly b/c theres no one to go with.. and I like saving a couple bucks).. so here it is:

My nice little Mitsubishi projection television, Bose Lifetime surround sound system.. and of course.... My LAPTOP.

And thats it.

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I've been so busy lately with work/sleep that I haven't had time to update.. well, I haven't even had time to just relax and think really. The last week I worked 35.5 hrs, and the week before I worked 30.5 hrs, so all in all a big fat 66 hrs for the pay period totalling almost $9,000 in sales. A lot of stuff has happened at work.. Carlo and Mikey put their 2wks in already and Luis is supposed to tomorrow (supposedly). Richell (the new girl that was supposed to be hired) isn't going to come anymore. So in a staff of 9 people, 3 will be leaving in 2 weeks which puts the total at a fat 6 (then me = 5). Its going to be interesting to see what happens, but I'm going to stick around until the 29th b/c of the accessory contest thats going on. MAN! I'm beating everyone right now I'm at like 5.4:100 accessories:total sales (in dollars) compared to the 2nd place person who is only 3.4%, so I might win and theres a 75$ bonus so I'm going to stay till the 29th just to get that. LOL! Plus my hours for the last 2wks should be good considering theres like no one to work.

I need the money. I've been spending money excessively! I've spent about 200 dollars on lenses now and I haven't even really gotten any of them yet.. I spent 100 on speakers, and then I bought new shoes for like 50. So I've spent 350$ + I ate out all last week b/c I'm dumb. I knew I shouldn't have, but for some weird reason I always went out to eat during my breaks. I guess it was all that exhaustion getting to me... I feel so fat. + I wasted at least 30 dollars on food. That damn Quiznos' sub, Nachos Grande @ Rubios, Chicken strips @ Carls, Orange Chicken Bowl @ Twin dragon, and Garlic bread @ Pasta Bravo!@##!!! Thats way over 30 dollars actually.. DAMN ME Oh well. I've figured it out.. Money is nothing. Hapiness is everything, except.. I'm not happy at all. =T

Whatever. I missed church today. I SET MY ALARM TOO! I woke up at 1.. :/ My alarm just blended into the background music that put me to sleep. I had work from 4-11 (but we stayed til 12).. so I couldn't make it. I feel so bad. It feels like I'm drifting away from all of my relationships (even my relgious ones). I barely talk to anyone anymore, and when I do its awkward conversations that go nowhere except "what'd you do today.. " or "long time no talk.. how have you been?" .. and it usually ends with "...". I feel like shit. School is starting so soon, I used to be excited but now I'm filled with anxiety and depression.

I haven't done anything this summer.. I feel so unaccomplished. Next next week we're going to go on a road trip. I haven't told my parents yet, but I'm hoping they'll let me go. I need to get out of this hell hole.

My newly arrived 30.5-37mm step-up ring. One of like 400 items I've ordered. :x

My brand new pumas. Worn only once. :x

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